Carrying rainbow babies with hope

For my pregnant friends who have had a previous miscarriage

I walked that road, or should I say I stumbled upon that road. I wish I would have been a great faith giant, facing my fears with great strength and courage, but that would have only meant that I was strong in my own strength.

I wrote these words to a friend (who knows the pain of miscarriage) in the early weeks of my pregnancy with Hannah.

"Thinking of you and praying for you lots these days.  I think of you and just feel like you know exactly what I'm going through.  You know the heartache, the pain, the fear, the fear of pain, the fear of another loss, the fear of hoping and enjoying and celebrating a pregnancy.  I'm facing so many emotions and really feel alot like I'm just waiting for more confirmation that really won't come until that baby comes.  I'm trying, but it's really hard to have faith in the midst of uncertainty.  I've realized that I fear disappointment.  I fear enjoying my pregnancy or talking to my baby because it might not be alive.  I try to just believe and have faith that the baby is ok, until it's not, but it's just really hard.  Sometimes "I just don't know how to "ask" God for this pregnancy"  I don't want to talk to Him about it....I'm somewhat afraid to ask, because I'm afraid that our wills will not line up.

Yet the familiar verses from Philipians answer my question "Rejoice in the Lord always, I will say it again rejoice.  Let your gentleness be evident to all. the Lord is near.  Do not be anxious about anything, but by prayer and petition with thanksgiving present your requests to God and the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."  So how do I pray for this pregnancy?  And I was reminded that this is how we are to do it, we take ALL of our fear to him, not some of it, we pray and we petition with thanksgiving for the children God has given, even the ones in heaven.  We choose to trust him and we request what we want, more babies.  And we get the peace of God in return.  We don't get any guarantee that we will have more babies, we get no guarantees that things will go our way, but we do have the guarantee of God's peace.

I'm not there yet, I still have alot of fear and just not wanting to face another loss, but I'm encouraged that we have hope of overcoming fear.  There is hope that we will come out of this journey with more strength, compassion and trust.  And there is hope of freedom to trust God, holding nothing back.

Another verse that I'm holding onto through all of this is Ps 112: 7-8 'He will have no fear of bad news; His heart is steadfast, trusting in the LORD.  His heart is secure, He will have no fear in the end he will look in triumph on his foes.'"

Let the words of God encourage you today.  Stay strong in the Lord, hold tight to him know that "Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see."   Hebrews 11:1

I love each of you and am praying for you.