My mind wanders in a million directions. I have to do laundry, freeze spaghetti meat,
cook supper, get ready for a doctor’s appointment, take the trash out, wash the
dishes, feed the children….and the list goes on. I want to be a person who thinks about
heavenly things instead of earthly things.
I want to crave the Lord and his word.
Yet I sit here sleep deprived trying to get myself to do my Bible study
instead of look on facebook or distract myself with something else like looking
for land or a new sound machine.
I want to maximize the time that I spend nursing my child by
praying or thinking about the Lord, yet I just feel so tired. The newborn stage truly just wears me
out. I see my lack of patience and
realize my need for my Jesus. It’s by
the grace of God that our children survive.
When you have a one year old wanting your attention and whining and a
newborn screaming and you don’t know how to help either one of them, it become
very hard to respond with grace and patience.
I am reminded of my helplessness and my need for my Jesus.
I hit meltdown yesterday.
After several days of family visiting (which was wonderful) and a 3 hour car trip one way to a funeral. It was the end of me. I knew it was coming cause it was just too
much. The beautiful thing about hitting
the end of me is that I finally rely on Jesus.
I lean on Him. I stop trying so
hard and I rest in Him. I get
perspective realizing that my ideals and my to do list aren’t the most
important things. I stop and I
rest.
I’m not good at any of these things.(relying on God, resting in him, realizing the most important things) Most of the time I have a skewed
perspective. I please people instead
God. I please myself instead of putting
others first. I’m prideful and I’m
selfish. I want my own way. But God’s grace is enough. The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He is enough when I’m failing . He is enough when I’m doing well. He is ALWAYS enough. He is my rock, my
shelter, my savior. My sin doesn’t bound
me to be this way forever. My Jesus has
overcome all of my sin and these things that are breaking me, are breaking me
of myself, my pride and my selfishness.
Though I still struggle, it is progress.
Praise God for redemption and sanctification. May I lean MORE on him and LESS on me.
For those mothers out there that are at the end of
themselves, remember to lean on Jesus.
