Thanksgiving means family. Thanksgiving means turkey and dressing. Thanksgiving means relaxing and enjoying each other's presents. Thanksgiving means gingerbread cookies. Right?
Well not this year. Thanksgiving meant for us, the flu. (Thankfully, John and I didn't get it!) It really made me step back and think about what I'm thankful for. It's easy to be thankful when things are going just as you planned and expected. An unexpected sickness makes your stop and realize that even with the flu, there is still SO much to be thankful for. Even when there are trials and struggles, I can be thankful and it will change my attitude.
Thankfulness is something that doesn't come natural to me. I tend to be a pessimist, seeing the glass half empty. I over analyze things. I see mountains instead of molehills. I think often " I have so much to do." or "I'll never get it all done." I have a skewed perspective that I fight to overcome. I have to tell myself, "this won't take long" or "I can do all things through Christ." Even those small tasks that get old after you do them several times a day. I have started timing myself to help gain some perspective. Those dishes that I thought would take an hour, only take about 15 minutes. This is a very practical example, but it is common in my thought pattern that I have miscalculated the reality of certain situations.
I missed being with "my family" for Thanksgiving. I missed cooking and decorating cookies, but there will be another one next year. This year I learned a lesson in thankfulness: "There is ALWAYS something to complain about, BUT with that, there is ALWAYS something to be thankful for."
Monday, December 2, 2013
Saturday, November 23, 2013
Scattered yet grounded
It's been a while since I blogged. And honestly, I feel inadequate to begin to speak now. I feel like I need to catch up on all I've missed when I haven't been writing. I have so many thoughts and emotions that I would love to express. Things I'm passionate about. Things I've learned in marriage and parenting. Things I've learned about God and things that I haven't figured out. I don't have the time or the space to write all of those now, but I will write what is on my heart today.
I'm tired. I'm worn out. And my mind races. I have a hard time settling down with my coffee to have time with God like I used to. Marriage and parenting has changed so much for me and who I am. It has brought selfishness and pride to the surface and I have slowly been dealing with it. At times it brings me closer to God as I have no where else to turn and other times it seems to draw me away because I distract myself with other things that "have" to be done. I keep myself busy so I don't have to look at the mess that I am.
I have struggled lately with some doctrinal controversies. I have deeply contemplated some things that I never have before. It has been difficult to consider things that make me uncomfortable. It has scared me to think of God in a different way. I have tried to come to some conclusions. For the sake of argument I won't go into detail, but what I have come up with is that God is God regardless. He is constant and doesn't and hasn't changed. Whether or not I understand Him doesn't change His character. My doubts don't shake him. My frustrations don't phase Him. He is always the eternal God. Always. I haven't figured God out yet, and the thing is, it's not my responsibility. I will continue to ponder these things about God because I know it's important that I have scriptural support for what I believe. Yet I will choose not to focus on it. I will focus on the things that are clear in scripture. I will love my husband and my child. I will reach out to those around me and remember God is God always.
My life is not my own. I can't seem to get this truth into my head. I constantly am thinking of myself and what is best for me. I think of how I want things to be, the things that I want to happen and how everything will affect me. I have a hard time surrendering my entire life into the hands of the Lord. My true beliefs come out in my actions and I live as if my life is my own. I long to make the transformation to put God and others first. It just doesn't come easy. Just when I think I'm getting better I have an emotional response revealing my very selfish heart. So I step back and remember how human I am. Ask for God's grace and for my husband's forgiveness and I strive to do better remembering that God is the only one that is good.
Even as I consider my struggles I realize that I have a good life. I have so much to be thankful for and that is what I should focus on. I know it's Thanksgiving soon, but it's more than that. Thanksgiving is not a holiday, it's a lifestyle. One that I rarely keep. Thankfulness would solve many of our problems. Thankfulness would keep me out of the pit of depression, frustration and feeling overwhelmed. Thankfulness is a choice. Thankfulness is necessary.
I feel my thoughts are scattered, and I would expect nothing less from a crazy pregnant mother. Yet in the midst of the chaos and busy-ness. I feel his presence with me. Trust God. Thank God. Live for God.
I'm tired. I'm worn out. And my mind races. I have a hard time settling down with my coffee to have time with God like I used to. Marriage and parenting has changed so much for me and who I am. It has brought selfishness and pride to the surface and I have slowly been dealing with it. At times it brings me closer to God as I have no where else to turn and other times it seems to draw me away because I distract myself with other things that "have" to be done. I keep myself busy so I don't have to look at the mess that I am.
I have struggled lately with some doctrinal controversies. I have deeply contemplated some things that I never have before. It has been difficult to consider things that make me uncomfortable. It has scared me to think of God in a different way. I have tried to come to some conclusions. For the sake of argument I won't go into detail, but what I have come up with is that God is God regardless. He is constant and doesn't and hasn't changed. Whether or not I understand Him doesn't change His character. My doubts don't shake him. My frustrations don't phase Him. He is always the eternal God. Always. I haven't figured God out yet, and the thing is, it's not my responsibility. I will continue to ponder these things about God because I know it's important that I have scriptural support for what I believe. Yet I will choose not to focus on it. I will focus on the things that are clear in scripture. I will love my husband and my child. I will reach out to those around me and remember God is God always.
My life is not my own. I can't seem to get this truth into my head. I constantly am thinking of myself and what is best for me. I think of how I want things to be, the things that I want to happen and how everything will affect me. I have a hard time surrendering my entire life into the hands of the Lord. My true beliefs come out in my actions and I live as if my life is my own. I long to make the transformation to put God and others first. It just doesn't come easy. Just when I think I'm getting better I have an emotional response revealing my very selfish heart. So I step back and remember how human I am. Ask for God's grace and for my husband's forgiveness and I strive to do better remembering that God is the only one that is good.
Even as I consider my struggles I realize that I have a good life. I have so much to be thankful for and that is what I should focus on. I know it's Thanksgiving soon, but it's more than that. Thanksgiving is not a holiday, it's a lifestyle. One that I rarely keep. Thankfulness would solve many of our problems. Thankfulness would keep me out of the pit of depression, frustration and feeling overwhelmed. Thankfulness is a choice. Thankfulness is necessary.
I feel my thoughts are scattered, and I would expect nothing less from a crazy pregnant mother. Yet in the midst of the chaos and busy-ness. I feel his presence with me. Trust God. Thank God. Live for God.
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