Daniel Moses Crouch
My sweet baby Daniel is resting in the arms of my heavenly
father. I will soon share the whole
story of the day we found out Daniel no longer had a heartbeat, but
today is about what Daniel has taught me.
I had no idea how much such a young child could teach me. God brings good out of every situation and I
would not have chosen this way to learn these lessons, but I am here so I
choose to embrace them.
Our sin brings death,
Obedience brings life.
My natural response to a situation of this nature is usually
“God, what are you doing?” However this
time, by the grace of God, I have been able to say “God, I trust you.” I
could shake my fist at the Lord and say, “why me?” I could walk a path of bitterness and anger
that would lead to depression and death, but at what cost? What good will that bring? Don’t misunderstand me, I do have those
questions, why? What is your
purpose? But I don’t stay there, I
choose to bow in humility and say God, I trust you. I know you have a plan and a purpose. There has been such peace and comfort in
this. It doesn’t make it hurt less, it
doesn’t make it less sad, but it does bring peace in the midst of suffering.
Humility
In Daniel 6, Nebuchadnezzar is humbled through a long stay
in the wilderness and at the end he says this in verse 37 “Now I,
Nebuchadnezzar praise and exalt and glorify the King of heaven, because
everything he does is right and all his ways are just. And those who walk in pride he is able to
humble.” This verse brings me great hope
as most of my issues and problems are rooted in pride. I’m thankful that God is able to humble me
and that in the loss of Daniel, I can look to him and say as Nebuchadnezzar has
said “Everything you do is right and all of your ways are just.” I like to
control and think that I’m in control. I
am learning that I am not in control, God is.
Someone always has it
worse
When I have needed to remind myself of God’s truth and hold
on to his sovereignty, I have read Job 1:21.
“ Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked I will depart. The LORD gave and LORD has taken away; may
the name of the LORD be praised.” If
Job, who lost everything can say this, then surely by the grace of God I can
too. In my loss I have considered how
many women have experienced much greater pain.
I have two beautiful children that help ease the pain of the loss of
Daniel and we have never struggled to get pregnant (quite the opposite). I know of women that have struggled to get
pregnant and then lost their baby and don’t have children. They are barren and that is a whole different
kind of loss. I’m not belittling the
loss, because it is still painful and sad, but I have so much to be thankful
for in the middle of my loss. This
reminds me of my brother-in-law who died from cancer. I vividly remember being
in the hospital right before he passed away and he said, “I used to ask God, why
me? And now I say to God, why not me?” We don’t get to choose our circumstances, but we do have control over how we face our
circumstances. We can face them with a “why
me?” attitude or we can face them with a “why not me?”
God’s sacrifice takes
on a new meaning
God sent his only son, to die for my sins. I have heard this story my whole life, but
the loss of Daniel has given it such a deeper meaning. God chose to send his ONLY son to die a
horrible death so that we could be free.
Our baby went quietly and we didn’t chose for him to go. God’s sacrifice was so great and he knows the
pain of our loss.
Celebrate Life which
belongs to God
Mike and I have always shared early about our pregnancies,
saying that we would want the support if something went wrong. We never dreamed after 2 healthy pregnancies
something would go wrong, but I am so thankful that we have this
perspective. I’m thankful that I
celebrated Daniel’s life, got to hear his heartbeat, and celebrated with my
family and friends. I’m thankful for the
time that I got to carry him in my womb
and though I never got to feel his movement, I’m thankful for his life and
little bit of time that God allowed us to love him and carry him. It has reminded me to celebrate life which
belongs to God. First of all: Celebrate
life no matter how long it is life.
Celebrate the lives of your families and friends because we are not
promised tomorrow. As James 4:13-15 says
“ Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city,
spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” Why, you do not even
know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears
for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the
Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.”
Secondly: All we have belongs to God.
As I have grieved the loss of Daniel, I have been tempted to fear the
loss of my other children. In this fear,
God has reminded me that they are not mine anyway. God has blessed me with the stewardship of my
children. My children belong to the
Lord, and I must learn to live in this way.
And further, everything, every minute, hour and day belongs to the
Lord. We are merely stewards of our time
here.
I will always miss my baby Daniel, but I know I will get to
hold him one day along with several other mothers who have suffered this same
loss. But even this small child has made
a difference in my life. Praise be to
God!
