Idolatry, organization, and being a mom

I walked through Target yesterday marveling at the organizational things they have.  All the storage bins, the calendars, the dry erase boards etc.  I could buy them all and never use them.  Every year, I buy a planner, just to be set aside in a couple of months.  I long to be that planner that plans every single hour, yet I refuse to be that structured because I could never stay that structured.  At the same time I thrive in an organized environment.  I do better on a schedule (even if it's very flexible).  I feel better, I get things done and I don't waste much time.  This past year I looked my problem of wasting time right in the face and I conquered it, thanks to my husband.  I was furious with him when he first made me write down everything that I was doing in a notebook.  I sarcastically wrote down EVERY thing I was doing.  However after a few days, I found myself being more productive, feeling better and loving the organization.  I still wasn't planning every minute of every day, but I knew what I was responsible for and I got done what I needed to get done that day and the rest of the things, I knew when they would get done.  SO freeing, so pleasant, but I'm come away from that again.  The busy-ness of the holidays and my weaknesses have put me back in that "wasting time" mindset.  I still get things done but I'm ready to be back in my routine.  I have all these things that I want to get done, ways I want to organize.  My world would be perfect if I could just get myself organized. 

That's where I'm wrong.  I have to cling to God every moment of every day.  The goals I have of being that perfect mom and wife are futile.  That perfect world where the house is clean, My husband is pleased with me, my child always eats healthy, I respond in patience every time, and I enjoy every moment of every day.  Those goals are nothing without God at the center of my life.  I really have been thinking and reading some about the greatest gift that I can give my children is developing my Godly character.  My children will learn more from the person that I am than they will from anything that I say.  Yet, one of the first things to get pushed aside and off of my to-do list is spending time with God, and developing my character. I'm not suggesting that I become perfect, but I'm just acknowledging that my perspective is skewed when it comes to spending my time wisely.  I so quickly succumb to the pressure I put on myself to complete certain tasks and chores instead of giving God my first moments of the day.  In short, my organization is my idol, then thing that I worship.  I pray that God will break this in my heart and help me to become more dependent on Him. 

I'm not one to make New Years Resolutions, but for several years, I have had a verse of the year that I feel like God gives me.  I don't remember the past couple of years, if I even had a verse, and this year, I wasn't planning on it.  I have been reading Psalm every morning and find characteristics of God.  January 1, 2014 the Psalm I read was

Psalm 16

¹ Keep me safe, my God,
    for in you I take refuge.

² I say to the Lord, “You are my Lord;
    apart from you I have no good thing.”
³ I say of the holy people who are in the land,
    “They are the noble ones in whom is all my delight.”
⁴ Those who run after other gods will suffer more and more.
    I will not pour out libations of blood to such gods
    or take up their names on my lips.

⁵ Lord, you alone are my portion and my cup;
    you make my lot secure.
⁶ The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
    surely I have a delightful inheritance.
⁷ I will praise the Lord, who counsels me;
    even at night my heart instructs me.
⁸ I keep my eyes always on the Lord.
    With him at my right hand, I will not be shaken.

⁹ Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices;
    my body also will rest secure,
¹⁰ because you will not abandon me to the realm of the dead,
    nor will you let your faithful^[b] one see decay.
¹¹ You make known to me the path of life;
    you will fill me with joy in your presence,
    with eternal pleasures at your right hand. 

 

It is easy for me to loose perspective, to want more from this life.  I want to be involved in missions, helping people and to be recognized.  This year I want to become more focused on where God has placed me and a wife and mom.  I want to accept my role as wife and mom with joy, being thankful for everything God has given me.  I want to cling more to God as my true God and let go of my idols.  I rest in the truth that God truly is all that I need.  I cling to him as my faithful God who will never forsake me, leave me of let go of me.  I'm thankful for the opportunity to serve Him.  May I become less selfish and prideful this year, learning to give to others the way Christ has so graciously given to me.